I have never been comfortable with my body. When I was younger I was in shape, but at the time I didn’t see that. What I saw was my slim and feminine looking friends, and saw my own broad shoulders and runner’s thighs. Looking back, I looked good, but at the time I was unhappy with the way I looked. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I had started giving up on myself. I didn’t care about myself, and had no motivation to do anything, let alone things to benefit myself. I quit all my sports, and started eating poorly.
My weight started to creep up, though I never really thought about it. It started getting out of hand. I take anti-depressants, which cause weight gain, and I just started piling excuses upon excuses as to why my weight kept going up. I have been suicidal at different points in my life, and have self-harmed.
In November, 2011 I finally decided enough is enough. I felt myself slipping back into my depression and destructive ways. I was tired of feeling that way. I had to face the fact that I was the only person that could change me. I was responsible for feeling good and being happy. I had to own up to that and make some serious changes.
That is the journey I am on right now. It has been difficult at times. There have been tears, and there will be more of them, I’m sure. I work out with a personal trainer several times a week, and I love her. She is my rock, and she keeps me going strong. I try really hard to eat well, and am doing pretty well with it. I haven’t eaten fast food since November 9th, 2011 which is the day I signed up for a gym membership. This may not seem like much, but fast food used to be a staple in my diet. I mean, a least 5 times a week. At least. I can’t believe that now, looking back.
This journey will be one I will be on for the rest of my life. I need to focus, stay motivated, and keep my eyes on my goal.
Look at where you want to be-where you’re going to be-not where you are now.